Deseos, ganas y sustos.😫

Te hubiese querido ver de pronto, andando por la calle, con tu bolsa de pan, mordiendo un bizcocho, sonriéndo para tus adentros, soñandote libre.
He tenido ganas de encontrarte, de manera sorpresiva y casual, abrazarnos ante la sorpresa, reinos y mirarnos sosteniendo las respuestas de las preguntas que siempre hirieron el aire, las que nos hicimos a ratos, en nuestros silencios.
Dejémoslo con que tenía ganas... o tuve ganas de reírme contigo como en otros tiempos, esos que pasan sin llamar a la puerta, sin sentirse, sin saber que son los últimos, entre libros y pendientes, esos momentos que nos dejan el recuerdo equívoco, sensaciones que parecían prolongarse en el tiempo, que parecía deliciosas, pero eran ágrias.
     Y de tanto recordar andanzas, preferí mejor dejar de llamarte con el pensamiento. No quiero encontrarte ni por sorpresa, ni premeditación. Dejo mejor, cerrado aquel cajón.

Misconception about experience.

It happens that sooner than later, I will be 50. It happens that I have been a dedicated mother, and wife for the last 22 years. In between I 've had some sporadic jobs, that I took for fun and as a escape from my daily house-wife routine. On a daily basis managing work and family care is quite a challenge. The work that nobody sees or no one has the audacity to weight.
     The work of a Homemaker is far from dusting, doing the laundry, planning meals, driving kids back and forth, organizing agendas, care for a budget or doing her nails.
     A Mother is always researching better ways for her children to succeed, to make friends, to love nutritious food, find pleasure reading, caring to exercise, and ways to laugh. She solves the life's puzzle on a daily basis, sometimes she struggles but keeps her spirit happy. Do not forget that she also cares for her husband, parents, friends, charitable organizations, clothes and books donations, deals constantly with growing pains and many other things...
  I am trying to get a job, I wrote my resumé, I certainly wrote down my jobs before my mommy life, they might seem blurry, as time has dust the accuracy with which I talk about my responsibilities back in those days, nevertheless the ability to complete tasks has always been with me.
    They want to know my microsoft skills, I just think for myself 'I not only "excell" but I tought my kids how to use it', I use to program in Fortran, the base of nowadays  programming, I can learn another language. They inquire about my organisational skills, I answer: 20 years as a homemaker. They should know what kind of task this represents; but they disregard the subject. I get rejection letters pointing my lack of experience! I am a chemical engineer, I play the guitar, I am a micro-business owner, a Soapmaker, a Blogger, I excersice every day, I am fluent in french, spanish and english, and soprano notes, I adjust to life needs, I am a responsible seeker, doer, planner, dreamer, self taught in many subjects... and yet my applications are rejected.
I did not know the challenge I was about to confront when I decided to build a family and yet my husband believed in me. When I was 15, I heard rumors about how hard Chemical Engineer was and yet I targeted the bull with grace and sweat. I understood how long 75 miles are, the day I pedaled to raise money to find a cure to MS.
     Today I am facing the working world, the world for which I lack experience, as much as  my 51 year old cousin that has just been terminated because he is too old to hold his position. Some become too expensive, other employees give and give with no recognition for their added value. Because we all want or need to join the work force, we all need to support our families or ourselves.
     I want to be there, I want to be part of the working world that is seen and who ever hires me is going to be thrilled about their decision.
     There are companies run by human beings in which employees get time off to enjoy their families and kids, in which elders are respected, in which workers know they are heard, the boss knows each one of them at a personal level. I know it for real. And that will be the perfect match for me. The company for which I will work will be directed by a human being and all my skills will be much valued and needed.
Yes, I am a mother, I am a Warrior.
        I AM Mariejeanne Carro